Failing Forward as a Young Divergent Thinker

“You’re so smart and creative. You can do anything you set your mind to!”

We live in a practical world. When you’re an abstract thinker or an idealist heart, the world can leave gaps in understanding oneself, seeking purpose, or knowing where to start.

It can be unbearably overwhelming to the point where you lose interest in the things you originally loved, or you quit and become the “burnt-out gifted person.” It’s a thing! And there could be this lingering self-doubt that freezes you from trying something new. You can get stuck in a very dark place where you think, “If it’s not perfect, I can’t do it. So why try?” OR you jump from subject to subject because it’s not the ONE you want to pursue the rest of your life.

The messages we get for being smart (talented) and having “so much potential” make us question if we are doing something wrong because we’re not successful. Or if we are successful, we are pushing ourselves towards burnout every day to appease the pressures of being perfect for other people (or ourselves).

The expectations can become very powerful messages we can internalize. These messages can shape how we see ourselves, and sometimes, in negative ways.

Don’t know what to do for the rest of my life — SHAME

A Path Less Taken

When you’re a scattered thinker, your brain and body are supposed to consume different sources of information across time. The problem is parts of our society, especially school and work are made for people who pursue linear, very rigid life paths. Although that can lead to stability, it doesn’t always cultivate curiosity, awe, and purpose.

And what does it mean to have a purpose?

This is something we each figure out on our own. Through relationships, exploring possibilities, and having safe opportunities to test out realities can a divergent thinker learn to thrive. Because the formative years of a divergent thinker’s life involve living in a society that does not support our gifts and needs, we need extra time and support to practice figuring out what works and what doesn’t work for us.

Permission to Fail Forward

Society has failed neurodivergent people

When the world isn’t made for you, there is a common occurrence of “failing” more than others. (It’s a very confusing world.) Does that mean YOU are a failure?

Heck No. You are not a failure. Society and systems have failed so many people over and over again.

School is stuck in archaic traditional systems that create factory workers. That mindset and expectation that students sit for six hours a day and regurgitate information for a test are VERY OUTDATED. Many older generations accepted the life of working 40-hour weeks and waiting until retirement to enjoy life or travel. I am grateful to see younger generations challenge what it means to have a purpose, the meaning of work, and the overall meaning of having a life well-lived. So what do you do after you accept that society and life are more difficult for those who think differently?

• Accept that your cognitive profile is different, which means it will take time to learn what your cognitive strengths and areas of improvement are.

  • Sensory needs can also be something to explore and honor.

• Accept that society is not made for us, which means redefining what a life well lived means for YOU.

  • This can change over time. Surprise! In life, you are allowed to change your mind and explore things again.

• Cultivate self-compassion when trying and failing. Maybe it’s executive function skills. Maybe it’s timing. Maybe it’s a few more other skills you need before it all clicks. As a neurodivergent person, your brain needs different types of learning experiences to connect it to the big picture.

• Think & Journal: Which learning tools and environments supported you the most? Find more of that.

  • Ask others what they think your ideal learning spaces look like, and where your eyes lit up from joy and flow.

• Negative self-talk. What are the painful messages you have about failing or not “meeting your potential”? Journal about them. Talk to supportive people about these thoughts so you can learn healthier, and kinder messages to tell yourself.

• Acknowledge your role in self-sabotage and pushing away good advice.

  • We are not perfect, we are not immune from stopping ourselves from growing even if it’s a good thing. When you’re used to failing, it can be a comfortable cycle staying in the same place. Growing and changing are brave things to do.

• Visualization. Create vision boards, Pinterest boards, mood boards about the feelings you want to embrace, the kinds of careers you want to try, the areas of interest that bring you joy, purpose, and excitement! MAP IT ALL OUT.

  • Give yourself time to try different things without judgment.

  • Come back to the visuals to check how you feel about each item over time. Track how they make you feel.

• Practice failing in safer environments, around safe people.

  • Video games are the perfect place to fail and try safely. So many life skills and growth can happen virtually.

  • Coaching and mentoring can also help shape resiliency to try again and have more positive messages related to failing.

  • Watch videos and listen to podcasts about those who are similar to you, heroes that inspire you.

• Community and resonance. It’s really difficult to do this alone. And although your hero’s journey is uniquely yours, it’s important to learn to trust and allow people in so they can support you as well as witness your hardships and transformation. Online communities count. Fandom communities count.

All parts of you are worthy of being seen and supported.

Reading recommendations:

• Wired to Create: Unraveling Mysteries of the Creative Mind

• Smart but Scattered

• Transcend: The New Science of Self Actualization

• SuperBetter: The Power of Living Gamefully

• Refuse to Choose!: Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams

7 Traits of an Influential Leader

When you think of leadership, certain words and images come to mind. A traditional view of leadership may tend to lean towards powerful, charming, and high-achieving individuals. As these are important, tangible qualities an influential leader possesses, there are also intangible, soft skills-based traits that are as equally important for supporting a team or organization successfully. Here are 7 traits of an influential leader (more will be added on the next blog post):

1) Creativity

Organizations and teams will come across problems and lulls in production. It is during these times that thinking about possibility and outcomes can build momentum for growth. Seeing how a project or company can remain relevant or get unstuck requires a visionary to say, “How about this?” or “Let’s try something different.” When a leader proposes something unique with confidence, people are willing to believe in giving it their all, and it shows. Companies like Apple and Google can inspire employees and consumers to believe in the brand because their leaders possessed the creative confidence to guide a generation to “think different.”

2) Conflict Resolution

Just as our personal relationships have conflicts, so do our work relationships. It is common, and many times there is a protocol to follow where leaders or managers are asked to help resolve conflict. This is difficult because one party may feel more favored than the other. Mediation and coaching may be needed. What is there to do to ensure team members feel heard and respected? Conflict resolution skills involve respectfully hearing and modeling how to communicate with someone who may or may not have similar values or intentions. It requires active listening, patience, and willingness to troubleshoot solutions, even if you think your answer is the “best.” Without successful conflict resolution skills, a team can deteriorate where there is no focus on goals or a larger mission.

3) Adaptability

Leaders tend to have worked in diverse fields and positions. They’ve been in multiple roles that developed a range of skills and perspectives. This ability to see a company or roles from the bottom-up and across disciplines is a huge asset. When speaking with team members about tasks and where a company may potentially go, adaptable leaders know when to increase or decrease their engagement or facilitate team participation. An adaptable leader is not too proud to work in a “lower” position or task, rather, they have humility to do what is needed to get the job done.

Change is constant, and employees or teammates look to leaders on how to respond. If a positive or negative change occurs, how a leader responds ripples across the group which can create confidence or fear. The morale of a group is an important factor with how it can overcome difficult times and thrive. People want to know if their jobs or organization will make it through hardships and leaders are looked to for guidance and strength.

4) Accountability

We make mistakes. Leaders make mistakes. They may say things that were misinterpreted, or caused additional problems. An influential leader apologizes and takes responsibility for their actions and words. In addition to apologizing is staying away from blame. It is a difficult thing to say, “I’m sorry,” but it is also very powerful in developing and maintaining respect with people you work with. It can go a long way to identify mistakes, apologize, and figure out ways to prevent it from happening again.

5) Communication

Communication is very general, but encompasses vital skills for teammates to accomplish goals. If a task is poorly explained, it could fail and lead to additional problems, or low morale. People want to feel competent, but vague descriptions or a lack of explanation can make many feel unsure about what is being asked. Some ways of being an effective communicator:

• Clear language

• Concise statements describing tasks

• Examples for others to reference

• Being open to questions to verify understanding

• Using multiple communication methods to reach teammates and diverse learning styles (text, visual, hands-on, presentations, video, small chunks of information, outlines)

• Checking-in, but not micromanaging

• Listening and confirming the experience of individuals

• 1:1 and group meetings to instill motivation or ensure cohesive understanding of goals

• Praise for efforts and successes

• Appropriate tone, body language, and facial expressions

6) Delegation

Teams need different roles to thrive. If a big-picture thinker is being paired with a rote, repetitive task lacking creative expression, it might not be the best way for them to feel successful or contribute to a team. Leaders can and do see the beauty of diverse gifts and talents within a group. They will learn about the motivations and unique skills each teammate has, and assign tasks that highlight these skills. This can make team members feel more valued and seen for their unique talents.

In addition to delegating tasks, a leader must be able to picture the individual steps and identify procedural descriptions in a way that is clear for others to understand. When tasks are assigned and described well, a team is able to get the job done more easily. A team may have a difference of opinion in terms of work flow, timelines, and priority tasks, so a leader must instill confidence that the tasks given are what need to be done in order to move forward.

7) Motivation

Motivation is huge. Individuals who are encouraged and believed in will work diligently towards the collective goals and core values of a team. Feeling like you are part of something bigger makes the difference between someone who is working because they have to versus someone who works because they want to. Wanting to be at work increases productivity and effort. It can also boost morale and trouble shooting when things get tricky. Some ways to motivate teammates:

• Praise efforts, recognize accomplishments individually and as a group

• Having fun, group events, not always being serious

• Encourage members to ask for help or feedback

• Model skills to develop

• Seeing which teammates prefer guidance or more autonomy with tasks

• Asking for suggestions, having regular meetings where people feel valued

To my younger readers, non-working professional visitors, students, and creatives, please consider how these traits can be applied in different scenarios in your lives. Leadership does not have to be the goal for adopting new or using these existing skills. Interpersonal relationships can also heal and thrive with the usage of many of these soft skills. If you would like to practice developing such skills, a coach or therapist can help on this path.

I am happy to chat on which services would better fit your needs at the moment. 949-381-1894 or organizedmesses@gmail.com

What You Can Do With A Degree in Sociology or Psychology

The following information varies by location and field of study. Having a Masters in Psychology does not always guarantee a graduate abilities to perform therapy. There is the additional layer of supervision, having a registered associate number, passing exams, and documenting one’s hours. What if you don’t want to do therapy? What else is there career-wise, if you have a Bachelors in Psychology or Social Work? I asked a few therapists, and here are their responses and recommendations:

• Group home or youth care worker. The Boys and Girls Club offers such positions.

• Research. Experimental, developmental, social, and I/O psychology. These all require advanced degrees, but they aren’t at all clinical (therapy).

• HR, community development, education, and marketing fields. Clinical isn’t the only option. Sociology or psychology undergrad education offer ideal skills for working within groups and communicating with individuals. Depending of your personal interests and passions, they can be combined with a bachelors to be an excellent candidate for these fields.

• Nonprofit world! “I worked for Head Start, a foster care agency, and the YMCA. I found jobs on indeed.com, social service.com, and craigslist.” (When using Craigslist, please use care and ensure work is safe and vetted in some way.)

• Agencies: “Our agency hires group home staff and therapeutic behavioral coaches with BAs”

• A lot of options: “With a BA in any of the social sciences you can work in the helping fields as a case manager, parent partner, Behavior interventionist, mentor, coordinator level for many city parks and rec and community service programs, in group homes, in juvenile detention in mental health or at a probation officer, coordinator for after school programs, social worker for DCFS. I did many of these for 10 years before returning to grad school for my MSW. Although I was able to really help a lot of people in these positions, the pay maxes out at about 45,000 annually (in LA) unless you’re willing to work for the county in Social Work (DCFS) or Probation…”

• Treatment Centers: “I often speak to grad students about how to get into the ED (eating disorder) field - I share with them how to find entry level positions in treatment centers. I always encourage clients to take any job offered in the field, no job is beneath them because they will learn so much at every level of treatment, therapy, or business.”