Change Talk - What it Looks Like, Its Importance, & How to Help Someone Change

Change takes time. We have a unique reference point and history that is difficult for others to comprehend. When we start talking about change, it is a GOOD thing! It's a sign of possibility. It is also a sign of hesitancy and fear of change, because changing is scary and unknown. When someone starts talking about change, please allow them to talk out loud to make it a viable new truth. When we allow people to speak on wanting to change, or hesitating, it helps make it acceptable to try in the future. When we feel accepted to think about what we want to try, even make mistakes or grow from, it again, helps with moving talking about change to thinking about change and behaving in ways that lead to more change. Change has cycles, and relapses are normal. We default to what we're used to doing when stressed. If you'd like to work on changing a habit that's existed for a while, a therapist or a coach skilled in certain areas of life may be able to help. Motivational Interviewing can help people move from change talk to change action and maintenance.

VIDEOS ON CHANGE:

• Change Talk: Solutions or Validation? https://youtu.be/NmkYADfO2Kk

• Black & White Thinking; Encouragement to be in Grayness https://youtu.be/dNCbXPkwEks

• The Stages of Change & Bowen Family Systems https://youtu.be/ltvS3O4yE2M?t=119

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• What Plants Teach Us About Change https://youtu.be/i30KrqD9I0U

• Motivational Interviewing - Accurate Empathy or Confrontation https://youtu.be/kSumJHSkbTQ

• Change Cycles as Metaphorical Death https://youtu.be/qg8oCK9XGZE

• The Pendulum of Change, River of Wellbeing https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Reclaiming Authenticity as an Outsider https://youtu.be/cuLaXp5d6BE

• Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusions https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

• Protecting Yourself During Spiritual Growth https://youtu.be/RX1sc79nS2M

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• Adjusting to Change https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDm1q...

• The Importance of Professional Helpers to Facilitate Change https://youtu.be/BtLjNfDQn_M

ENFPs (and others) Changing Ideas, Jobs, and Paths

Using my current context to illustrate how ENFPs may be "scattered" by choosing multiple ideas, jobs, and paths in life: we tend to get excited about possibilities and connecting knowledge into something novel. This involves studying and exploring multiple disciplines. To live this way can be concerning for people in our lives because it is not linear or predictable. It can lead to people challenging our life choices and it comes off as harsh. It comes from a place of care because they've seen the rules of the world, and they've seen how hard it can be to live in a way that is not supported by these rules.

It comes down to us questioning how we are living. Are we living our best life? Are we living for our joys or to please others, or avoid criticisms? It is something to consider. *Note: there is nothing wrong with living for others, and for ENFPs there can be this internal struggle with being authentic if and when one chooses to live by their own terms.

To learn how to separate oneself from the opinions and judgments of others can create a stronger sense of inner peace to continue living for oneself. We can honor the care and concerns of others, while also living one's authentic path. Most of the time people worry when they see you worried. Continue following your joy, and over time, it can be that loved ones will learn to accept and adjust to your worldviews, even if they don't truly understand.

Adjusting to Change

Change is difficult. We are creatures seeking comfort with the known and predictable. When it comes to wanting to adopt new habits or behaviors, it's important to try a few things:

- Exposure: The more often we see, hear, or talk about a new goal, the easier it can be to take the next steps.

- Baby steps to reduce unwanted behaviors, or new tiny steps to adopt a new behavior: Identify or envision the end goal. Figure out what the steps to like, and break it down to the tiniest details. See which tiny step you can try here or there to be successful.

- Have people to support you and your context: Honor how hard it is to change. Ask for the encouragement, not complaints for not doing the end goal. Making any progress or sticking with the goal after making mistakes is a big deal!