Enneagram 4 - Suffering as Our Identity

The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut, PhD https://amzn.to/3889x25

Being a 4 comes with wonderful gifts of creative expression and depth of feeling. Many times, though, we hold onto the beliefs that we must suffer to be congruent to who we are, and that we do not deserve good things. Part of our growth and healing includes challenging these messages and welcoming joy, to accept that we are worthy as we are, even embracing good things in life!

Change Talk - What it Looks Like, Its Importance, & How to Help Someone Change

Change takes time. We have a unique reference point and history that is difficult for others to comprehend. When we start talking about change, it is a GOOD thing! It's a sign of possibility. It is also a sign of hesitancy and fear of change, because changing is scary and unknown. When someone starts talking about change, please allow them to talk out loud to make it a viable new truth. When we allow people to speak on wanting to change, or hesitating, it helps make it acceptable to try in the future. When we feel accepted to think about what we want to try, even make mistakes or grow from, it again, helps with moving talking about change to thinking about change and behaving in ways that lead to more change. Change has cycles, and relapses are normal. We default to what we're used to doing when stressed. If you'd like to work on changing a habit that's existed for a while, a therapist or a coach skilled in certain areas of life may be able to help. Motivational Interviewing can help people move from change talk to change action and maintenance.

VIDEOS ON CHANGE:

• Change Talk: Solutions or Validation? https://youtu.be/NmkYADfO2Kk

• Black & White Thinking; Encouragement to be in Grayness https://youtu.be/dNCbXPkwEks

• The Stages of Change & Bowen Family Systems https://youtu.be/ltvS3O4yE2M?t=119

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• What Plants Teach Us About Change https://youtu.be/i30KrqD9I0U

• Motivational Interviewing - Accurate Empathy or Confrontation https://youtu.be/kSumJHSkbTQ

• Change Cycles as Metaphorical Death https://youtu.be/qg8oCK9XGZE

• The Pendulum of Change, River of Wellbeing https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Reclaiming Authenticity as an Outsider https://youtu.be/cuLaXp5d6BE

• Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusions https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

• Protecting Yourself During Spiritual Growth https://youtu.be/RX1sc79nS2M

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• Adjusting to Change https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDm1q...

• The Importance of Professional Helpers to Facilitate Change https://youtu.be/BtLjNfDQn_M

Executive Function Skills - External Thinking & Practice

When you have a unique or different learning style, life can be frustrating for you and the people in your life. Accomplishing tasks and learning can be met with more frustrating, overwhelm, sadness, and feelings of shame. Educators and parents, and individuals may not know what their learning preferences are and how to more effectively get tasks done. It makes sense that this is fairly new because our education system teaches the same way to benefit the same people. If you learn from lectures and using worksheets, you benefit from a typical classroom.

Others who are ADHDers, neurodivergent, smart but scattered, and creative thinkers have struggled to learn, many times in silence. They can be seen as "difficult" to teach or that they are "not trying hard enough." It is overwhelming and frustrating to think that you cannot learn due to effort. Many times, it is the approach and connection that is missing. When we seek to understand how someone's cognitive profile is, we can empower them to learn how they learn best.

And being different isn't bad. We seem to equate difference as wrong, and many differently wired people internalized this into their identities quickly. Learning and thinking differently is not bad. It is just different. Let's find ways to honor difference by being open to new information and perspective.

This video was inspired by personal experiences and watching the TEFOs 2020 conversations with Jeff Copper & Seth Perler. They are both executive function coaches with backgrounds in education. https://executivefunctionsummit.com/

Book: Smart But Scattered Guide to Success by Peg Dawson, EdD & Richard Guare, PhD

I offer coaching to the differently wired. Sometimes it takes someone to help remind you what your natural strengths are so you can identify and accomplish goals that help you cultivate your own authenticity.

Contact me at organizedmesses@gmail.com to schedule an appointment.

Shadow Work as Default for Enneagram 4 (ENFP, INFP, INFJ)

Additional Content:

• What to Do When ENFPs Go MIA https://youtu.be/NS7uo4H_UnY

• The Pendulum of Change https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Re: Pendulums of Change - Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusion (Enmeshment) ENFP INFP HSP Outcasts https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

"The Four's resonance with the Shadow can also be seen in the fact that they have a natural gift for understanding the deeper emotional level of experience and seeing the beauty in darker emotions that other types would rather not feel, much less acknowledge. This can make them feel dangerous to others on an unconscious level, as Fours may raise the issue of authentic emotions that others would often rather not deal with." Beatrice Chestnut, PhD The Complete Enneagram, pg. 268

We 4s can offer a lot to inspire or encourage the Shadow work of others we meet. The balance and essential work we also must do requires working through our own Shadows before we introject others' struggles as our own.

Components of Careers Essential for ENFPs to Thrive

YouTube Videos:

• ENFPs & Careers: Encouragement for the Messy Path https://youtu.be/mMVg9bIrStY

• ENFPs & Success: On Work, Being Authentic, & Other's Opinions https://youtu.be/YewjMNROv7A

QUORA RESPONSES:

• Components Essential to Thrive as ENFP: https://qr.ae/pGIfdg

• Careers for ENFPs: https://qr.ae/pGIfEA

• List of traits for ENFP careers: https://qr.ae/TUGBN3

Enneagram Type 4: Unconscious Childhood Message

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson

"It's not okay to be too functional or too happy."

Take time to meditate on this unconscious message and bring awareness to where it rings true. Think about where it controls parts of our lives, or where it allows life to be easier. How can we remove our sense of self from this message and how it has shaped our interactions with others? Sometimes we are reinforced to repeat these roles and it helps maintain a type of homeostasis within our interpersonal relationships or systems we belong to. I pair Enneagram and Bowen Family Systems to share on how to dissect our socialization as well as increase awareness of these patterns of being so we can grow into our true essence.

Bowen Family Systems Theory https://thebowencenter.org/theory/

The Enneagram Institute https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ty...

If you're looking for a life coach to improve self-understanding and identifying one's strengths through typology and archetypal systems, I'd love to help! Please email me at organizedmesses@gmail.com :)

Triangulation (Gossip, Secrets, Ignoring Conflict)

For more information on Bowen Family Systems:

https://thebowencenter.org/theory/eight-concepts/

Fashion & Art Student Admission Tips

Some tips for fashion and art students applying to schools:

1) Research your school to see the type of program it is: conceptual, trade, skill-focused, business school?
2) Develop your math skills. If fashion, there will be measurements and scaled models to reference through your career. Practice converting fractions, measurements, and decimals. If necessary, have a tutor, or learn how you best learn math.
3) Writing skills. Read! Practice! Use the dictionary! Language skills are part of your branding, the first thing people think of when reading your mission statement. 
4) Networking: This also wasn't taught to me in psychology. People don't know your brand or services if they haven't met you, or if you haven't put yourself out there. Figure out comfortable, yet achievable ways to reach people in your industry. Build relationships. The referrals will come. People want to know what you offer and who you are first. 
5) Email & Etiquette:  A well-written email and thank yous go a long way in a sea of people who aren't grateful for connections. Stand out with that extra five minutes.
6) Learn how to sew. In fashion merchandising, there are components for knowing how to sew to a degree. Even if you don't plan to make large garments, or sew in the future, knowing this process helps you understand how to expand your vocabulary and collaborate with those who will be sewing. It will help in the future as a business leader. 

www.organizedmesses.com
organizedmesses@gmail.com

Benefits of Journaling

The Artist's Way: https://amzn.to/2xSuhLg

The Benefits of Journaling: https://bit.ly/2MpSJWX

CBT Cognitive Triangles & Journaling: https://bit.ly/2tFoaoc