Enneagram 4 - Suffering as Our Identity

The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut, PhD https://amzn.to/3889x25

Being a 4 comes with wonderful gifts of creative expression and depth of feeling. Many times, though, we hold onto the beliefs that we must suffer to be congruent to who we are, and that we do not deserve good things. Part of our growth and healing includes challenging these messages and welcoming joy, to accept that we are worthy as we are, even embracing good things in life!

Change Talk - What it Looks Like, Its Importance, & How to Help Someone Change

Change takes time. We have a unique reference point and history that is difficult for others to comprehend. When we start talking about change, it is a GOOD thing! It's a sign of possibility. It is also a sign of hesitancy and fear of change, because changing is scary and unknown. When someone starts talking about change, please allow them to talk out loud to make it a viable new truth. When we allow people to speak on wanting to change, or hesitating, it helps make it acceptable to try in the future. When we feel accepted to think about what we want to try, even make mistakes or grow from, it again, helps with moving talking about change to thinking about change and behaving in ways that lead to more change. Change has cycles, and relapses are normal. We default to what we're used to doing when stressed. If you'd like to work on changing a habit that's existed for a while, a therapist or a coach skilled in certain areas of life may be able to help. Motivational Interviewing can help people move from change talk to change action and maintenance.

VIDEOS ON CHANGE:

• Change Talk: Solutions or Validation? https://youtu.be/NmkYADfO2Kk

• Black & White Thinking; Encouragement to be in Grayness https://youtu.be/dNCbXPkwEks

• The Stages of Change & Bowen Family Systems https://youtu.be/ltvS3O4yE2M?t=119

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• What Plants Teach Us About Change https://youtu.be/i30KrqD9I0U

• Motivational Interviewing - Accurate Empathy or Confrontation https://youtu.be/kSumJHSkbTQ

• Change Cycles as Metaphorical Death https://youtu.be/qg8oCK9XGZE

• The Pendulum of Change, River of Wellbeing https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Reclaiming Authenticity as an Outsider https://youtu.be/cuLaXp5d6BE

• Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusions https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

• Protecting Yourself During Spiritual Growth https://youtu.be/RX1sc79nS2M

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• Adjusting to Change https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDm1q...

• The Importance of Professional Helpers to Facilitate Change https://youtu.be/BtLjNfDQn_M

Executive Function Skills - External Thinking & Practice

When you have a unique or different learning style, life can be frustrating for you and the people in your life. Accomplishing tasks and learning can be met with more frustrating, overwhelm, sadness, and feelings of shame. Educators and parents, and individuals may not know what their learning preferences are and how to more effectively get tasks done. It makes sense that this is fairly new because our education system teaches the same way to benefit the same people. If you learn from lectures and using worksheets, you benefit from a typical classroom.

Others who are ADHDers, neurodivergent, smart but scattered, and creative thinkers have struggled to learn, many times in silence. They can be seen as "difficult" to teach or that they are "not trying hard enough." It is overwhelming and frustrating to think that you cannot learn due to effort. Many times, it is the approach and connection that is missing. When we seek to understand how someone's cognitive profile is, we can empower them to learn how they learn best.

And being different isn't bad. We seem to equate difference as wrong, and many differently wired people internalized this into their identities quickly. Learning and thinking differently is not bad. It is just different. Let's find ways to honor difference by being open to new information and perspective.

This video was inspired by personal experiences and watching the TEFOs 2020 conversations with Jeff Copper & Seth Perler. They are both executive function coaches with backgrounds in education. https://executivefunctionsummit.com/

Book: Smart But Scattered Guide to Success by Peg Dawson, EdD & Richard Guare, PhD

I offer coaching to the differently wired. Sometimes it takes someone to help remind you what your natural strengths are so you can identify and accomplish goals that help you cultivate your own authenticity.

Contact me at organizedmesses@gmail.com to schedule an appointment.

Components of Careers Essential for ENFPs to Thrive

YouTube Videos:

• ENFPs & Careers: Encouragement for the Messy Path https://youtu.be/mMVg9bIrStY

• ENFPs & Success: On Work, Being Authentic, & Other's Opinions https://youtu.be/YewjMNROv7A

QUORA RESPONSES:

• Components Essential to Thrive as ENFP: https://qr.ae/pGIfdg

• Careers for ENFPs: https://qr.ae/pGIfEA

• List of traits for ENFP careers: https://qr.ae/TUGBN3

Thoughts on Stimming & ABA (Autism Acceptance)

Sharing some ways I stim, responding to the video of "What is Stimming?" by the YouTube channel Ask an Autistic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WexCW... (this video is more detailed)

BLOCKING BAD INPUT WITH GOOD INPUT!

I didn't mention stimming is also used for sensation seeking.

Some ways of stimming mentioned:

• hand flapping

• visual & tactile (stones, dice, glitter, squishy)

• essential oils

• scents

• weighted blankets

A note on ABA: I can see that ABA is changing for the better. I am commenting on my experiences and hearing stories of those who have suffered through terrible ABA practices in the past. If you practice ABA now, please feel free to share what it is like.

ASAN: https://autisticadvocacy.org/

Re: Signs of ADHD in Women & Girls (ADDitudemag.com)

Responding to a list of criteria describing potential ADHD in women. Article: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symp...

The Global Giftedness Myth

Book: Gifted Children by Ellen Winner

The Global Giftedness Myth may permeate the culture's misperceptions of gifted people as high-achievers and not needing support (services) in education or life because things came easily. For the population of gifted people where this does not apply, it creates a possible negative experience where they don't feel allowed to share their invisible struggles (sensory overload, processing differences, heightened emotional experiences, cognitive differences, etc.) and pressure to perform at a higher level to be "worthy" or receive approval. This may not be the case for all, yet it is a personal observation to share. There may be this misunderstanding that a gifted person's seeking of approval and knowledge is a personal attack or a way or being elitist. This video is to highlight differences as merely that, difference. Nothing good or bad, just different and needing space for understanding.

Thoughts on (Auditory) Processing Differences

Do you or someone you know pause often when speaking, or ask for clarification in conversations or when given directions? It might be a processing difference! Here are some thoughts and observations:

Importance of Early Education & Preschool

Preschool isn't just playing or babysitting. It affects brain development, readiness for learning, social skills, trust in adults, trust in their environment to explore, to try again, creative exploration which feeds into analytical problem solving skills, confidence in themselves to make mistakes, knowing how to ask for help, self care...

Blog posts and videos related to early education:

- Tips on Choosing a Preschool: https://bit.ly/2JUIwFi

- Fine Motor Development for Young Children: https://bit.ly/2lnQB6l

- The Importance of Language & Literacy for Young Children: https://bit.ly/2JZ8ner

- 5 Signs Your Child is Learning in Preschool: https://bit.ly/2JOZWmp

- Some Ways to Promote Literacy at Home: https://bit.ly/2ME9wXb

- 8 Tips for Toddlers & Picky Eaters: https://bit.ly/2M4V75n

- 8 Ways to Promote Language in Young Children: https://bit.ly/2ypj5pX

Why are We Like This? (ENFP request; applies to all)

Attachment:
- Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment https://amzn.to/29uMhue
- Attachment Theory https://bit.ly/2GcJdnN

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs https://bit.ly/2nY3jfd

Cognitive Functions:
- Dave Super Powers https://bit.ly/2LuFl3k
- Personality Hacker https://bit.ly/2JjvsJ3
- Personality Cafe (forum) https://bit.ly/2M9EJ45

Trauma:
- The Body Keeps the Score https://amzn.to/2JFJYdK
- Trauma & Recovery https://amzn.to/2JkIyWC
- The Drama of the Gifted Child https://amzn.to/2kWkgUh
- How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across the Lifetime TED TALK https://bit.ly/1w1DJW5

(not mentioned)
- Eastern Body Western Mind https://amzn.to/2sQyLfB
- Man & His Symbols https://amzn.to/2kXhKx2
- Man's Search for Meaning https://amzn.to/2LzL8EW
- The Highly Sensitive Person https://amzn.to/2sQSITF
- The Artist's Way https://amzn.to/2HwajWf
- Daring Greatly https://amzn.to/2LyRGDz
- Flourish: a Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being https://amzn.to/2JuGuXR
- The How of Happiness https://amzn.to/2sFRH1D
- Mindsight https://amzn.to/2LxNbcy
-  Bowen Family Systems Theory https://bit.ly/2rRXX74
- Defense Mechanisms (video) https://bit.ly/2LuGiIW
- CBT ABC Model https://bit.ly/2sNOkoD
-  Learned Helplessness (+ Cure) https://bit.ly/2uJhOrH
- GRIT (TED Talk) The power of passion and perseverance https://bit.ly/1XBHWfI
- Harvard Working Papers, Child Development https://bit.ly/2Jw0xZx
- Addiction & Codependency https://bit.ly/2sPUHYy

DISCLAIMER: This video and links are for educational purposes only. Please have a professional work with you if seeking therapy or support with mental wellness.