Enneagram 4 - Suffering as Our Identity

The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut, PhD https://amzn.to/3889x25

Being a 4 comes with wonderful gifts of creative expression and depth of feeling. Many times, though, we hold onto the beliefs that we must suffer to be congruent to who we are, and that we do not deserve good things. Part of our growth and healing includes challenging these messages and welcoming joy, to accept that we are worthy as we are, even embracing good things in life!

Change Talk - What it Looks Like, Its Importance, & How to Help Someone Change

Change takes time. We have a unique reference point and history that is difficult for others to comprehend. When we start talking about change, it is a GOOD thing! It's a sign of possibility. It is also a sign of hesitancy and fear of change, because changing is scary and unknown. When someone starts talking about change, please allow them to talk out loud to make it a viable new truth. When we allow people to speak on wanting to change, or hesitating, it helps make it acceptable to try in the future. When we feel accepted to think about what we want to try, even make mistakes or grow from, it again, helps with moving talking about change to thinking about change and behaving in ways that lead to more change. Change has cycles, and relapses are normal. We default to what we're used to doing when stressed. If you'd like to work on changing a habit that's existed for a while, a therapist or a coach skilled in certain areas of life may be able to help. Motivational Interviewing can help people move from change talk to change action and maintenance.

VIDEOS ON CHANGE:

• Change Talk: Solutions or Validation? https://youtu.be/NmkYADfO2Kk

• Black & White Thinking; Encouragement to be in Grayness https://youtu.be/dNCbXPkwEks

• The Stages of Change & Bowen Family Systems https://youtu.be/ltvS3O4yE2M?t=119

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• What Plants Teach Us About Change https://youtu.be/i30KrqD9I0U

• Motivational Interviewing - Accurate Empathy or Confrontation https://youtu.be/kSumJHSkbTQ

• Change Cycles as Metaphorical Death https://youtu.be/qg8oCK9XGZE

• The Pendulum of Change, River of Wellbeing https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Reclaiming Authenticity as an Outsider https://youtu.be/cuLaXp5d6BE

• Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusions https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

• Protecting Yourself During Spiritual Growth https://youtu.be/RX1sc79nS2M

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• Adjusting to Change https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDm1q...

• The Importance of Professional Helpers to Facilitate Change https://youtu.be/BtLjNfDQn_M

Codependency Considerations for Orange/Red Flags, Potential Abuse Cycles

***After watching, close the browser and delete your internet history if you are potentially being abused, stalked, in an unhealthy relationship. ***

Same with the phone numbers or websites: delete your calling or browsing history for personal safety reasons. This video is dedicated to the students and young people I've worked with. I wish you all the love for yourself and the relationships you're in. I also dedicate it to my little sisters and my inner child. We've come a long way. It's been a hell of a journey.

***Websites***

• RESOURCES of all kinds https://www.211.org/

• National Center for Victims of Crime https://victimsofcrime.org/

• Victims of Crime California -- pays for services related to domestic violence https://victims.ca.gov/victims/

• DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR SUPPORT https://www.peaceoverviolence.org/

• RESOURCES ON HEALTHY LOVE https://www.joinonelove.org/

• NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE https://www.thehotline.org/

• CRISIS TEXTLINE https://www.crisistextline.org/

Shadow Work as Default for Enneagram 4 (ENFP, INFP, INFJ)

Additional Content:

• What to Do When ENFPs Go MIA https://youtu.be/NS7uo4H_UnY

• The Pendulum of Change https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Re: Pendulums of Change - Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusion (Enmeshment) ENFP INFP HSP Outcasts https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

"The Four's resonance with the Shadow can also be seen in the fact that they have a natural gift for understanding the deeper emotional level of experience and seeing the beauty in darker emotions that other types would rather not feel, much less acknowledge. This can make them feel dangerous to others on an unconscious level, as Fours may raise the issue of authentic emotions that others would often rather not deal with." Beatrice Chestnut, PhD The Complete Enneagram, pg. 268

We 4s can offer a lot to inspire or encourage the Shadow work of others we meet. The balance and essential work we also must do requires working through our own Shadows before we introject others' struggles as our own.

Thoughts on Stimming & ABA (Autism Acceptance)

Sharing some ways I stim, responding to the video of "What is Stimming?" by the YouTube channel Ask an Autistic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WexCW... (this video is more detailed)

BLOCKING BAD INPUT WITH GOOD INPUT!

I didn't mention stimming is also used for sensation seeking.

Some ways of stimming mentioned:

• hand flapping

• visual & tactile (stones, dice, glitter, squishy)

• essential oils

• scents

• weighted blankets

A note on ABA: I can see that ABA is changing for the better. I am commenting on my experiences and hearing stories of those who have suffered through terrible ABA practices in the past. If you practice ABA now, please feel free to share what it is like.

ASAN: https://autisticadvocacy.org/

Re: Signs of ADHD in Women & Girls (ADDitudemag.com)

Responding to a list of criteria describing potential ADHD in women. Article: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symp...

The Global Giftedness Myth

Book: Gifted Children by Ellen Winner

The Global Giftedness Myth may permeate the culture's misperceptions of gifted people as high-achievers and not needing support (services) in education or life because things came easily. For the population of gifted people where this does not apply, it creates a possible negative experience where they don't feel allowed to share their invisible struggles (sensory overload, processing differences, heightened emotional experiences, cognitive differences, etc.) and pressure to perform at a higher level to be "worthy" or receive approval. This may not be the case for all, yet it is a personal observation to share. There may be this misunderstanding that a gifted person's seeking of approval and knowledge is a personal attack or a way or being elitist. This video is to highlight differences as merely that, difference. Nothing good or bad, just different and needing space for understanding.

Thoughts on (Auditory) Processing Differences

Do you or someone you know pause often when speaking, or ask for clarification in conversations or when given directions? It might be a processing difference! Here are some thoughts and observations:

Neurodiversity: Female Presentation, Wearing Masks, & Living Authentically

Some words on being different, thinking differently, and the journey in relation to "looking" disabled or different, how it may affect a person where they mask or question their authentic selves. Neurodiversity Affirming Therapists: https://www.facebook.com/groups/22198...

Re: 50 Percent of Gamers are Women

Statistics found here.

Disclaimer that of course not everyone thinks this way. Not everyone minimizes girls and women in the culture. There are still shared experiences where many women DO go through this challenge where they are not as accepted or feel like they are not allowed to explore “real gaming.” This is just a general response, and I am open to your perceptions and reading recommendations related to gender and video game culture and STEM.