Codependency Considerations for Orange/Red Flags, Potential Abuse Cycles

***After watching, close the browser and delete your internet history if you are potentially being abused, stalked, in an unhealthy relationship. ***

Same with the phone numbers or websites: delete your calling or browsing history for personal safety reasons. This video is dedicated to the students and young people I've worked with. I wish you all the love for yourself and the relationships you're in. I also dedicate it to my little sisters and my inner child. We've come a long way. It's been a hell of a journey.

***Websites***

• RESOURCES of all kinds https://www.211.org/

• National Center for Victims of Crime https://victimsofcrime.org/

• Victims of Crime California -- pays for services related to domestic violence https://victims.ca.gov/victims/

• DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR SUPPORT https://www.peaceoverviolence.org/

• RESOURCES ON HEALTHY LOVE https://www.joinonelove.org/

• NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE https://www.thehotline.org/

• CRISIS TEXTLINE https://www.crisistextline.org/

Adjusting to Change

Change is difficult. We are creatures seeking comfort with the known and predictable. When it comes to wanting to adopt new habits or behaviors, it's important to try a few things:

- Exposure: The more often we see, hear, or talk about a new goal, the easier it can be to take the next steps.

- Baby steps to reduce unwanted behaviors, or new tiny steps to adopt a new behavior: Identify or envision the end goal. Figure out what the steps to like, and break it down to the tiniest details. See which tiny step you can try here or there to be successful.

- Have people to support you and your context: Honor how hard it is to change. Ask for the encouragement, not complaints for not doing the end goal. Making any progress or sticking with the goal after making mistakes is a big deal!

Honoring the Emotional Experience of Others

This is something we sometimes don't think about. What is it like when someone experiences something differently than us, yet we tell them to stop feeling or thinking this way? It can be a time to pause and listen to understand where someone is coming from. This may help bridge connection and stronger relationships with time and practice.

Thoughts on Video Games: Relationships & Obligations to Please

In-game relationships can be very important to lots of us. Sometimes it can lead us to spread too thin when it comes to making time and playing with others. Some thoughts and considerations about feeling obligated to play, and setting boundaries with others. 

Counseling in the Beginning

I remember my first experiences with counseling weren't so fun or informative. I'm hoping this video can help alleviate some worries about seeking mental health support. Therapists are people, and some are a good match, some aren't. It's important to understand your rights as a consumer and what the process may be like with each therapist. I'll be making more to elaborate on things I missed.

Update: 12.2.2016 I will continue sharing information to help consumers better understand their options when searching for a good-fit therapist. I, personally, will not be offering services as a therapist to any new clients. I am working on transitioning into coaching services and will share updates.

When The Past Visits Again...

Holidays mean lots of lights, food, and gatherings. It can also mean revisiting pains from the past. Some things you can do when this happens:

-find safe people
-develop boundaries and identify what you need
-seek community
-find a therapist

On my blog:

-journal or art to process
-allow chances to repair when others don't honor your experience
-share in smaller bits or allow people to check-in if they're overwhelmed by the emotions involved, yet still want to show care

http://www.organizedmesses.com/bsripom/2015/11/17/youre-still-dealing-with-that

Relationship Triangles 2 (example)

Just wanted to add an example of what a common relationship triangle may look like!

<3 Organized Messes

Relationship Triangles (Quick Definition)

Ever get pulled into someone's drama? Do you ever pull others into your relationship problems? Triangling occurs pretty naturally to alleviate discomfort, yet conflicts continue to persist. Relationship experts may be able to help introduce new communication and conflict resolution skills. 

Please check out additional resources under the video. 

RESOURCE:
The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory (2006) by Roberta M. Gilbert, M.D.

TRIANGLE ARTICLES:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201106/the-relationship-triangle

https://www.thebowencenter.org/pages/concepttri.html

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/family-triangles-when-someone-gets-put-in-the-middle-0618134

http://www.familyfocusedsolutions.com/doing-bowen-turning-theory-into-practice/

Again, finding the right clinician can help heal and grow current relationships. I hope the information can help catalyze change.

FIND A THERAPIST: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/