What Being a Hero in Video Games Teaches Us

January 1, 2020 Boonie Sripom

There are bosses and monsters to fight, and sometimes we can do this on our own, find allies along the way, and team up with others. Battling external or internal monsters in our lives can be a daunting task. The great thing about being a hero is that there is the option of going at it alone, or taking a few players with you.
In teams, different skills are used by different people. You are not expected to be the best at everything. Some people are generalists or hybrids, useful for many skills. Some fights need high agility or fire spells when you only have agility. A teammate with strong fire skills can battle with you.
If you put all your points in one talent/talent tree, you are excellent for facing specific situations. Be mindful of your strengths, and when someone else may be better suited for this fight. It doesn’t mean you are useless. It means not everyone can do everything exceptionally well.
Some games can be beaten or mastered in a day. Others take weeks or months to understand. Patience and information gathering is a virtue of a Hero. Practice new skills, and be okay with saving the game for another day. It will still be there when you’re more prepared.
Other heroes know the fights better than you. Seek mentorship and advice. Online tutorials are your friend. If and when you get stuck, there is nothing wrong with asking the online community for help, and watching videos on how other people overcame challenging parts. If it’s difficult for you, chances are it’s difficult for someone else.
As you journey you will face enemies; sometimes they are big, but most of the time they are small. You always have the option to run away or avoid the fight in the first place. You can keep gaining XP and skills to come back to the bigger bosses later.
Sometimes levels are easy, and sometimes they’re hard!
Heroes need armor and protection. As you quest and meet others, you will benefit from upgrading your armor and tools. The better the tool for the job, the more efficient your outcome. And sometimes, a really really good weapon is overkill for the fight.
Elixirs can help give you abilities and resistance. Medicine is important to cure ailments or we cannot continue our Hero’s Journey.
Being Brave: even if you are scared, because many times it is scary venturing into unknown lands and facing big monsters, you do it anyway!
Sometimes heroes need help. It’s important to know a Hero isn’t someone who can do things alone. There is always a series of helpers along the story and game. The people who you surround yourself with reflect how strong you are. If you need to be surrounded by better people, search for them. Online communities can help build a stronger community if we choose the right people.
You start off as a noob, then you become a pro, and god once you master the game. This is especially important to remember for those starting something new, or shaping a craft that isn’t naturally easy. If it makes you happy, is something you wish to improve and focus on, remember that we each started off as noobs. And sometimes we stay noobs. Not everyone is pro at everything.
As in Life and video games, we have the Main Quests and Side Quests. The side quests make playing enjoyable and interesting. They can also sometimes be distractions from our primary objectives. Remember to focus and make sure there is time to honor the Main Quests, too, in a timely manner. If there are no deadlines, have fun on playing all the Side Quests your heart wants!
Crafting or buying items can help improve your gameplay. There is nothing wrong with getting buffed in the game. It can make playing more fun at times, and sometimes it’s more satisfying beating a level without buffs.
As you travel around maps and small towns, you will meet others who need your help. Heroes can do little things to help people feel grateful and safe. Over time, some of these people may even become your friends.
Heroes rest, eat, and heal. It’s important to check your life meter, energy bar, health status reports continually. Stopping to take breaks to rest, recharge energy, bandage to heal, take potions, and eat are important things to be your best hero self.
Some games don’t have to be played until the end. If you’re not enjoying yourself, it might be better to find another game to try. Some other games can be completed with the right research, practice, and time to develop new skills.
If you die in battle, you can start over at your last save point. This doesn’t translate directly IRL, however, we can note that difficult times in life come in waves or cycles. We have life lessons that may reappear and we conquer it here and there. Facing these life lessons may make us feel like we “died” a little, so remember you don’t have to start the game over from the beginning. You have a save point to reference from. All the information and strategies you’re developing will help you face the monster, defeat the dungeon each time.
If we failed a quest, didn’t finish with the best score or died in a boss fight, we can respawn and try again. Yes, life is not as easy where we can reset situations all the time. Games can help us build resiliency with losing, be in a challenge mindset (McGonigal, 2015), and bounce back more quickly from failures or unwanted outcomes. Try again!
We start life and gaming at level 1. With experience (XP) and time, we level up. The same is said for life in general, and any skills we want to shape or improve. Every skill in life has an XP bar with points to accumulate until you level up. Sometimes it’s a grind, and the DING you get when you level up from novice to intermediate, to advanced, is so rewarding. You put in work and see the efforts manifest!

Geek Therapists can reference a person’s fandoms to help inspire positive changes and personal growth. Exploring video games is one way to do it.

What else does being a hero in a video game teach us? Please share!

Catching Them When They're Good

January 28, 2019 Boonie Sripom

Have you ever tried to change someone?

Have you said or heard the following?

“Why are you doing it like this?” “What’s wrong with you?” “You’re not listening!” “I’ve already shown you a million times!” “You’re so slow!” “You forgot to do X again. I ALWAYS have to remind you!” “I can’t depend on you for anything.” “I’ll just do it.”

It’s okay, many of us have been there, and it’s not always easy. It seems to be a thing that happens a lot, though. This idea that we know how someone should behave or change comes with the best intentions, and yet, it’s not taken this way. Whether it’s friends, family, coworkers, classmates, lovers, or children, we tend to tell them how to change, where it comes off as a criticism or demand.

Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of this where someone is telling you all the things you’re doing wrong, and you end up feeling like a failure. It doesn’t feel good, and can even lead to feelings of resentment or deep sadness. There are good intentions, and yet the delivery is not working. The outcome is hurt feelings and conflict. The same thing can happen when we are trying to shape children in our lives. We know and see how the world is, and want to build skills for success.

So what do we do? We identify the things they are doing wrong. We knit-pick at how these things are incorrect and how they should be doing it. We end up doing it ourselves.

How does this affect a person?

It could lead to feelings of inferiority, a negative self-concept, or pairing negative emotions with “help.” Some people who were constantly told they were doing things wrong learn to distance themselves from asking or receiving help. This distrust of others may shape their world view; that it’s better to do things alone without the harsh criticisms of others.

Another possible outcome is those who were only given attention for “messing up” or being “bad” continually increased these types of behaviors in order to get attention. It is a repetitious cycle that can be difficult to change. Children who received attention when making mistakes or behaving negatively may internalize this identity of “being” bad and a failure which could carry into adulthood.

The above could be an extreme example, but I’ve come across some adults who’ve been impacted by early experiences where they have a difficult time trusting others because they are afraid of negative criticisms and being made fun of. This can especially be the case for those who are/have*:

*sensitive, Autistic, twice-exceptional (2e) gifted, gifted, ADHD, learning or auditory processing differences, delayed speech, invisible and visible conditions that affect mobility, cognition, or other bodily functions like chronic illness.

*An added layer to the physical body is inherited traumas, mental illness or conditions, unmet basic needs, systemic oppression, how accepted or safe they are at home, language or cultural barriers; some things that many people mask when attempting to overcome and thrive.

Are the above items things that affect each person we want to help? Maybe, maybe not. It can be a compassionate step to consider how someone is experiencing the world as we attempt to walk along their journeys and offer support towards change. This understanding may help with offering kindness, patience, and compassion for those who are having a harder time with being asked to change, even from someone who cares.

Catching Them When They’re Good (Dr. Robert Myers)

This phrase is from a child development course about a decade ago, and it’s helped me in professional settings and personal relationships. This is simply that: look for the positive and good, as difficult as it may be for certain people. Identify it with specific language and praise people.

Imagine a person where important figures in life only gave attention or talked to them when they made mistakes or behaved poorly. Moments of curiosity, goodness, or quiet were ignored.

Now, offer this person praise for doing something small, like opening the door for you, or helping clean up after dinner. Thank them and share gratitude for their presence. Being grateful for someone just for being alive! How novel~

I just spoke with someone who did not get praised growing up, and they responded by saying how “life-changing” it would be if their parents or any adults in their home gave them attention when they were trying to ask questions or do well in school. They noted how this early experience shaped a negative series of relationship exchanges where they act out and repeat this cycle of looking for the bad in others.

While this, again, is not the case for everyone, it is noted that early experiences and intense moments in life can and do shape the physical, emotional, and mental health of many of us. As children or adults, we may have the lens of looking for the negative in ourselves and others, even when we want to encourage positive changes.

Examples of praise, gratitude, and catching them when they’re good:

(Mixed examples for children, family, partners, friends, family)

Thank you for being quiet while I was on the phone.
I see you using your hands gently (for kiddos who need help being safe and gentle).
I love it when you give me hugs just because.
I appreciate the space you give when I’m upset, and you slowly checking in to see if I need anything.
I really appreciated it when you washed the dishes for me yesterday.
When I asked you to get ready for dinner, you did it so quickly.
I really like it when you have your backpack ready in the morning so we’re not late or in a rush.
Thank you for saving me a seat this morning.
Nice work trying to brush your teeth!
I saw how you tried really hard on your homework today.
Thank you for listening to my problem and not trying to give advice right away. I know how solving problems is how you show care, and I see how you tried.
I appreciated when you saved the last slice of pizza for me. It made me feel special.
Thanks for getting me a coffee this morning!
I LOVE how safely you’re playing with your toys right now!
Thank you for sitting with me quietly while I figure out my problem. I needed time to sort things in my head and a bunch of questions would make me more frustrated.

Although these statements are a small start, it can lead to great changes. Starting small is tangible, more realistic, and easier. We can build on small successes to promote longer-lasting positive changes. :) Sometimes one positive statement can stay with a person for a lifetime. You never know if your words will change a person’s life.

5 Reasons Gamers Won't Share About Gaming

March 22, 2018 Boonie Sripom

I am an active participant in multiple FaceBook groups. Many topics are discussed where gaming and mental health are a primary interest of mine. There are stigmas and stereotypes related to different subcultures, and sometimes we may internalize them, or feel uncomfortable talking about being part of a culture with these greater messages implicitly affecting us.

I asked my FaceBook friends how they'd respond if someone (non-gamer) asked about video games. The responses were insightful. I remember wanting so badly to share my loves, sometimes my obsessions with a game, and yet I felt uncomfortable. I didn't want to share with someone who wasn't interested, and I didn't want to share too much. In relation to mental health, relationships, and therapy, here are some responses to why a gamer would not share about gaming.

1. Being seen as a child

Gaming is not accepted everywhere in the adult world, and it can be paired with being childlike. In order to separate oneself from these assumptions, a gamer may not respond when someone asks them about their interests. It might be admitting to being like a child, which can be embarrassing or shameful. The tone of the person asking may also indicate a bias they (may or may not) be aware of.

Take note of your tone when speaking with a gamer. They might be able to pick up a subtle tone that appears mocking or condescending. If that is not the intention, please explore the possiblity of misinterpretations.

2. They were made fun of for their interests in gaming

Our histories shape us and can permeate our present filters of the world, as well as our exchanges with others. If a gamer were bullied or made fun of for playing, it can make it difficult to share when someone genuinely wants to know. The past can appear very real and very present with many of us, so it can take time before a gamer can trust again to share their stories.

Time and patience can help develop a stronger rapport. Maybe showing up and accepting a gamer, without the pressure to speak, can help prove that kindness is real, and that some people actually want to know about their worlds. Watching a gamer play can also be a nonverbal way of connecting and building trust.

3. Associating games with violence and the problems of the world

This is a common practice especially when a tragedy occurs. Instead of individual and contextual responsibility, an entire subculture gets blamed for the violence of others. To witness this repeated correlation of blame and the pairing of negative traits like high aggression and violence, gamers may not openly express their interests in gaming. To do so would indirectly acknowledge a possible inclination towards these negative traits.

Sharing about current events, and how studies can and do skew data can help strengthen the relationship. Focusing on the positive aspects of games can also show how you are an ally and curious about the culture.

4. No one wanted to listen before, so they question whether anyone wants to listen now.

Growing up, some of us may have a more difficult time connecting with and making friends who share similar interests. This difficulty, whether it was in the home or at school, can lead to a lack of practice sharing about one's interests. So when we do find someone who wants to listen or knows about stuff you like, you might not believe it. Instead of sharing, a gamer could deny that someone is expressing genuine interest and stop themselves from connecting.

Be present with the gamer. Having to enjoy your hobbies, interests, and play with online friends or away from IRL people can make it a slow adjustment to believe someone, a non-gamer (even another gamer), wants to hear about their life and stories.

5. They've scared people away when sharing "too much"

Considering how a gamer might not have a steady flow of interactions with others IRL where they can share their interests, it can come out in bursts when they do find someone who wants to understand and listen. Perhaps this burst of sharing is overwhelming and the opportunity to share again is no longer present, or the gamer is self-conscious about how they shared too much the first time.

Self-compassion. It's important to slowly honor our quirks and how unique our experiences are. A gamer may not always have access to community or opportunities to share, *really* share about their gaming. Not everyone wants to know, or they can't keep up with all the terminology. It can be discouraging. Checking in with being overwhelmed with information can help pause or spread the dialogue over time. This can give each person a chance to digest new information and know that a future conversation is possible, so it does not have to be shared at once. It's okay to review another time, or clarify what you didn't cover the next time you meet.

5 More Things Gamers in Your Life Want You to Know

August 29, 2016 Boonie Sripom

PERSONAL VIDEO GAME LIBRARY, JIM PICARDO, INTP

1. We don't want to disappoint you

Relationships are important. As we age, we can become more particular with the people we choose to keep in our lives. When it comes to family and romantic partners, gaming can sometimes make it difficult to connect. We don't want to disappoint you when you see us gaming. It hurts us to see you disappointed. When you tell us to get off the computer, or to stop playing games, it can hurt, and sometimes angers us. Gaming is a really important part of our lives, and it's hard to figure out how to play and not disappoint you.

2. We don't know how to explain

Some of us gamers have an easier time expressing ourselves than others. For those of us who can't, we might get stuck with feelings of hurt, sadness, or anger when we're being told gaming isn't important, or to stop playing. Our emotions might lead us to yell or shut down, so it's hard to explain why gaming is important with so much going on. Maybe we've tried explaining before, but our communication didn't work, so it's frustrating for us, too.

3. Gaming gives us a community to belong to

There are stigmas with gaming. There are stigmas with liking certain things "too much." There is an entire generation born into video games and internet culture, so there are likely to be misunderstandings and arguments on how important gaming is. Not all of us are social butterflies, sports fanatics, or (insert expectation here). Gaming is our interest, our hobby, and it offers us a sense of belonging. It may not always seem like we are connecting with others, but gaming is something we can talk/chat about with peers online, or with people we meet in person. It is our language and community to build on our own terms. It helps make us feel like we are not alone.

4. We're sorry for getting mad at you when you asked questions about gaming

Sometimes it's hard to share about gaming because we get caught up in other events of the past. Perhaps people made fun of us, yelled at us, or told us we were disappointing because we gamed so much. When someone asks about gaming, sometimes it's a bad time. Maybe it's a really hard level, or moment in the game, and there's a lot of pressure to focus. That's not the best time for us to share about gaming because we might be stressed out. We don't want to hurt you, and it makes us feel worse when it happens.

5. Gaming is an investment of time and energy, so it can be a huge loss when it's taken away unexpectedly

Players can log hundreds or even thousands of hours gaming. It takes time and care to level up characters, build efficient and successful teams, and learn diverse skills or maneuvers for end-game scenarios. Gaming can be our tool to process the day, or to redirect negative energy. Lots of us consider gaming proof that we can do well. Our avatars can represent our diligence to commit to a cause and team. The game represents our ties to others on a team, and the relationships we've made battling together, and helping each other over time. When it's taken away, it is a lot to deal with. It's not just losing a game for many of us; it can be a loss of friendships, confidence, or coping tool.

Click here if you missed the first 5 things gamers want you to know.

Masculinity & Emotion (Guest Post)

December 7, 2015 Boonie Sripom

Most people, women especially tend to think that men have little or no emotion and that is caused by two related things: Men experiencing and processing emotions differently than their female counterparts and the way society and our parents teach us from an early age that we need to be strong, confident, stoic and successful womanizers. It is a well-known fact that men who talk about how bad they feel, how hopeless, depressed, anxious, paranoid, entranced or madly in love they really are, end up being labeled as sensitive, weak, feminine, unstable, unable to be a good boyfriend, parent or husband.

We are always required to be the resilient and unmovable pillar that will someday be the base of a whole family, an example to be followed. Since we act upon that premise, women often complain that they can’t understand their partner’s emotions, but most of the time even men can’t understand them in the first place, and that creates an emotional gap between the couple. The problem is so severe that even if the man has consciousness about what he feels and knows how to express it, he most of the time will keep it to himself in rumination. That way he won’t be judged or make others worried, but will carry a heavy burden in his brain instead.

There is a high price to pay once you close yourself emotionally from the external world. As stated before, we might get confused and rarely know what we are actually feeling, having only physical reactions and repetitive patterns to guide through the emotional blindness. The risk of developing mental health problems and addictions since the negative emotions won’t leave your brain and will keep it chemically unbalanced in a great issue since most men don’t have a socially acceptable emotional outlet. On the other hand, we get to use rage more often than women. Rage is a great example of a “masculine” emotion, so it is way more acceptable to explode in rage letting it all out than cry and ask to forgiveness or forgive someone.

Concluding, men and women have all the same emotions, but we are shaped in a way that it’s not very acceptable for men to find puppies cute, express their love towards women, cry from grief or after watching an emotional movie, after losing the love of their lives, their jobs, even hugging friends or making deeply emotional conversations with others about their biggest fears, traumatic experiences, health issues, financial problems or anything that could be viewed as a weakness, unfortunately most of the times can and will be shunned.

Ivan Baretto's MBTI preference is INTP, and he is from Brazil. He is currently a student where he is studying computer engineering. He likes cute things like Rillakuma, gaming, and Japanese language/culture. If you'd like to connect with him on FaceBook, click here.